Kaiba's Delivery Service
by Minor Arcana
Summary: Kaiba's Delivery Service… Whatever the damage, we won't deliver your package… so screw me. Just try it… Priest! How dare you give out my number without permission! Kaiba Seto.
1. Kaiba's Delivery Service

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine. If it was, I'd be as rich as Seto Kaiba himself. (Well, probably not, but you get the idea…)

Summary: Kaiba's Delivery Service… Whatever the damage, we won't deliver your package… so screw me. Just try it.

-~-

Kaiba's Delivery Service

-~-

Kaiba's Delivery Service…Guranteed to get there faster than a Blue Eyes on speed.

No. That didn't work, either.

Kaiba Seto lazily clicked the mouse, bored stiff of this latest complaint about his little brother's new enterprise. It was a disaster! Why on earth had he agreed to this? Little brothers… at least it kept Mokuba happy and out of his hair. And his large screen plasma TV. 

He typed again.

Note to self; no more Kiki's Delivery Service for Mokuba.

Suddenly, he noticed something. He wasn't missing the high-tech ability of his laptop not having a mouse; that meant he could throw this one at people. Like Katsuya. There was a reasonable explanation.

_Mokuba = not doing what Niisama says = bad influence = friends = The Bonkotsu!_

He then smiled darkly to himself, running a hand through his hair. The brown strands slipped through his hands as he read and summarised the latest complaint.

_To Kaiba Seto,_

_I have just received my voodoo doll. Unfortunately for YOU, it is of the wrong person. I specifically ordered it to look like that dammed Pharaoh, but YOU screwed up, Priest! I did not want one of his vessel! Sort it out… or else._

_Zoku–Ou Bakura._

_And unfortunately for YOU, you're a nutcase._

A Pharaoh? The day he believed in something as nonsensical as magic was the day he turned to the Bonkotsu with a smile on his face and apologised for all the wrongs he had caused. Yugi may be a midget, but was no Pharaoh. Please!

Not only had he been running the company (and he would like to see ANYONE match him for THAT!), he had been forced into allowing this little idea of Mokuba's. Then there were the complaints that shortly followed.

His face then took a turn for the worse as he smiled darkly and steepled his fingers, sighing. He did not mean to do it. Parcels got 'lost' in the post, thanks to that albino-haired boy he employed part-time. Many valuables had simply disappeared. Other things were trampled underfoot when he felt like taking out some much needed aggression and some just went to the wrong address entirely.

Not that he cared.

There were better things to do. Like breathe.

If anything else, at least it's entertainment. Mokuba needs to learn that such things are doomed for failure. It'll serve him well in the end.

Before he knew it, there had been a claim in the courts. That had been put down. Ruthlessly. Like he had said to himself: _screw me… just try it. Losers._

That was it!

He typed hurriedly on the keyboard, savouring his latest idea.

Kaiba's Delivery Service… Whatever the damage, we won't deliver your package… so screw me. Just try it.

-~-

There you have it. Just a short nonsensical drabblefic that popped into my head. As you may guess, I don't like Kiki's Delivery Service that much. ^^


	2. Second Warning

**Disclaimer**: Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine. If it was, I'd be as rich as Seto Kaiba himself. (Well, probably not, but you get the idea…)

**Summary**: Kaiba's Delivery Service… Whatever the damage, we won't deliver your package… so screw me. Just try it. This is your second warning, losers. Try it again and I'll make you disappear. I am Kaiba Seto, I can make it happen.

--

**Kaiba's Delivery Service**: Second Warning

--

Kaiba Seto reluctantly opened up his laptop; still fuming over the fact his hippity-hop-hop brother was still enthusiastic about his latest venture, he found himself downing a full shot of coffee from the plastic beverage holder.

Of course, said beverage holder was bedecked with the KC logo.

Kaiba Corp produced everything; the latest technology, coffee…

Mt. Kaiba…

… And milk.

_Hell, even the milk cartons have the KC logo on them._

At least he could crack a smile before the coffee worked its way into his system. The business was going terribly. Complaints were piling up by his desk, all of which the pathetic secretary now had to carry, by herself, he might add, into the reception outside his office and re-organise in alphabetical order.

If he were in Hell, she would be on the bottom level by the time he was finished.

_Unless Mokuba asks me about sex again…_

He shivered, looking at the monitor.

_More complaints from small-fry losers who have nothing better to do than complain and hope they get a freebie. Bloody scroungers… at least I work for a living!_

They needed a kick up the backside, them and those under his employ. That was why he had implemented Operation: Second Warning. The Kaiba's Delivery Service logo was getting increasingly bigger:

_Kaiba's Delivery Service… Whatever the damage, we won't deliver your package… so screw me. Just try it. This is your second warning, losers. Try it again and I'll make you disappear. I am Kaiba Seto, I can make it happen._

Something told him it would spread to a 50-page report before he could claim victory over the impish mind of his little brother. But he was patient, to an extent.

_Failing that, break out the baby photos._

He resisted the urge to steeple his fingers and laugh evilly as he read his latest complaint.

_To My Future Self,_

_I have a bone to pick with you. You ignore me constantly at every turn. You don't read, write or conduct séances. Don't you like me anymore? What have I done to make you hate me? Furthermore, I ordered a little brother from your so-called 'express delivery' company. A camel would be faster! Sort it out, or else I'll make it so you were never born! And I am you. I can make it happen._

_Hem Ntjr Tepey, Set._

He rolled his eyes. That Yugi would pay for this practical joke. But then, how could Yugi get to his laptop, or even reach up over the desk? Perhaps it was Set…

_What have you done to make me hate you? It's quite simple. You exist._

At least that white-haired boy was keeping up his end of the bargain. All the steaks he could eat in return for pinching or making things 'disappear' in the packaging room. Any rare cards, of course, ended up in his own pockets.

_Hell, I deserve compensation. Oh, the trauma…_

He pretended to faint against his desk, yet again changing the logo to it's new form as he held up his newest card.

--


	3. Third Time

**Disclaimer**: Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine. If it was, I'd be as rich as Seto Kaiba himself. (Well, probably not, but you get the idea…)

**Author's Note**: As a reviewer asked, Kaiba's Delivery Service is Mokuba's idea. Seto hates it, and thinks his brother could spend his energy better elsewhere. Therefore, he's embarking on an act of tough love in order to deliberately make sure Kaiba's Delivery Service gets as rough a ride as possible.

**Summary**: Kaiba's Delivery Service… Whatever the damage, we won't deliver your package… so screw me. Just try it. Look, this is the third time you've annoyed me to no end, you stupid 'Pharaoh'. Go away before I have you shot - Kaiba Seto.

--

**Kaiba's Delivery Service**: Third Time

--

Kaiba Seto was bored.

Scratch that, Kaiba Seto was _angry_!

This plan of his to scupper Mokuba's latest enterprise (for the boy's own good, of course) had backfired. Now that even that maniac who claimed to be him in a past life was enjoying the useless service of Kaiba's Delivery Service. He growled at the estimates on his laptop.

_You goddamned piece of wretched machinery!_

Business was good. Perhaps he shouldn't have threatened to kill all those people if they did not aid his little brother…

And now, he was staring at the one thing that had made his day even cloudier than his own foul mood.

_To Kaiba Seto,_

_Just because I beat you at Duel Monsters does not mean I am entitled to a run down service from your company. I know you hate me, and you can never beat me with those kinds of brittle emotions, but that's beside the point. Three weeks ago, I specifically ordered the delivery of my loyal servant's tablet from Egypt. My traitorous High Priest told me that you could be entrusted with this delivery. How was I to know that he was joking with me whilst attempting to stab me in the back? Literally stab me, I might add!_

_Anyway, being the big-shot executive that you are, I thought that exporting the thing would be easy work for you. Obviously I was wrong. Get it sorted, Kaiba. I am the Pharaoh, after all. And I shall deliver justice if my tablet isn't here within the next two days._

_Pharaoh Atemu._

_- Justice is in the name of God._

He glared through narrow eyes at the screen.

_That confounded, idiotic, short son of a – !_

If Yami, Yugi, Atemu… whatever (like he cared) was a Pharaoh, it was amazing he knew how to use a computer at all. And to have the correct spelling… Justice is in the name of God his ass. Justice was when he said, where he said and how he said! He would get rid of this useless dwarf and take back what was rightfully his.

He hurriedly typed in his answer so he could move onto his black coffee.

_Look, this is the third time you've annoyed me to no end, you stupid 'Pharaoh'. Go away before I have you shot._

_Kaiba Seto._

_Ps. Cut your hair. It looks stupid_

--


	4. Fourth Loser To Complain

**Disclaimer**: Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine. If it was, I'd be as rich as Seto Kaiba himself. (Well, probably not, but you get the idea…)

**Author's Note**: As a reviewer asked, _Kaiba's Delivery Service_ is Mokuba's idea. Seto hates it, and thinks his brother could spend his energy better elsewhere. Therefore, he's embarking on an act of tough love in order to deliberately make sure Kaiba's Delivery Service gets as rough a ride as possible. And the next chapter will is one you can't vote for. It's something I want to do…

**Summary**: Kaiba's Delivery Service… Whatever the damage, we won't deliver your package… so screw me. Just try it…. Jounouchi, what on earth do you think you are doing? You are the fourth loser to complain, though I should celebrate this evolutionary step of a mutt being able to operate a computer. But I am Kaiba Seto, so stop mailing me before I have you neutered.

--

**Kaiba's Delivery Service**: Fourth Loser To Complain

--

_Of all the goddamned stupid inadequate bunch of second-rate hackers!_

Kaiba Seto slammed the desk with his fist. Yet again, someone had attempted to hack into his system, and yet again, they had failed. It did not pay to go up against him, the world's number one hacker, computer genius and all around expert. It did not work at all, if he did say so himself, which he did.

"_I am the master of technology! Bow before your god_!" he yelled inwardly, well aware that to do so in real life would be a reputation-ruining incident that would go down in his little black book of shame, along with his must-not-be-seen baby photos.

Instead, he had to settle for a megalomaniacal bout of evil laughter at the stupid masses from his office window.

Seeing Yugi walk beneath him on the pavement, he suddenly had a sudden urge to grab his paperweight and to throw it through the window and onto Yugi's head. Would it cause any damage? Probably, but it would be in the name of science.

Something beeped from his laptop, but he ignored it.

_How can that pathetic runt beat me? He's only 5ft tall! I am superior in every way! I just don't understand it…_

Unbeknownst to Seto, Mokuba was spying on his around the side of the door. Wisely, his little brother decided to back away and leave as his big brother went into another one of his dramatic tirades against what he saw as his defeat leading to the collapse of society.

_… Nii-sama needs less coffee in the mornings._

"Won't that blasted thing shut up! What's up with you now?" Seto yelled, pacing over to the laptop, where he saw he had yet another complaint.

_Oi, Rich-Boy!_

_I took delivery yesterday, or was supposed to, meh… who cares? All I am saying is that like your arrogant, stuck-up self, your deliveryman thought it funny to send my 3-D wallscrolls of the Red Eyes Black Dragon not to my door, but through my roof! My father, being pissed out of his head like usual, did not seem to care. Perhaps you could have done me a favour and aimed for him as he slept in his chair, but I guess that would have been too much to ask of you. I haven't used one of these machines much; so don't go taking the Mickey just because you're feeling smug and superior. See you in class._

_Katsuya_

He chuckled to himself, amused by the blond boy's apparent ability to use a computer.

_Katsuya, Katsuya, Katsuya. You're yet another loser in the game of life. If only you knew that I delivered your wallscroll from a rocket propelled launcher from the window of my car. Oh well, I guess that's your natural uselessness shining through once more. Loser…_

Then, something else happened that brought him out of his tirade and to pay his full attention to his little black laptop.

Upon it, in white letters against a black screen, was a message.

_You are tails, and I am Heads. I shall be seeing you soon… KILL YUGI!_

--


	5. Fifth Scheme

**Disclaimer**: Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine. If it was, I'd be as rich as Seto Kaiba himself. (Well, probably not, but you get the idea…) This fic takes a different path from the structure, as it is a transition chapter to what happens next. Hope that clears things up for you. aLl I can say is Kaiba is soon going to resort to more evil measures to get what he wants…

**Summary**: Kaiba's Delivery Service… Whatever the damage, we won't deliver your package… so screw me. Just try it… Meh heh heh. Yugi, vengeance shall be mine! No one takes away what is rightfully mine. You thought you got rid of me, but you shall be buried in the same grave as your friends. I am Kaiba Seto, and always get what I want. Ku ku ku… I'm coming for you, Yugi.

--

**Kaiba's Delivery Service**: Fifth Scheme

--

_I always get what I want. Yugi shall fall, I will claim what's rightfully mine and then… Meh heh heh. Bill Gates will be next._

Kaiba Seto grimaced and held his hands to his head in pain. Ever since that strange message, he had been experiencing a strange desire to get rid of that annoying little upstart, Yugi. Of course, it wasn't strange because he wanted to defeat him, it was strange because he wanted to kill the little insolent mothering twerp in as painful a way as possible.

_And as slowly as possible, for no one messes with me! Yugi, Yugi, Yugi. Perhaps you shall entertain me once again._

As he thought this he stroked his chin, an evil smile on his face.

His fingers dug into his desk, as if he was resisting something inside of himself, something that was screaming to get out. It was like Aliens, but worse. At least the aliens in that movie didn't speak as if they were better than everyone else.

_Look at you; what have you become? You shame our name! How can you call yourself a Kaiba when you purposely fail at business, fail to teach your brother what tough love is all about and have failed to kill off the one who dared to shame us? Pathetic! And at least in Aliens they were perfect killing machines, unlike you. I've seen old women who are deadlier than you. Hell, even that fruitcake Pegasus and his bunny can kick more ass than you!_

"Oh, shut the hell up!"

He slammed his fist on the desk, only just noticing that he was losing it. He was _not_ insane! He was just overworked and undervalued… and in the need to kill a certain boy with spiky hair as excruciatingly as possible. Ply him with allotropic drugs and make him think he was a Morris dancer. Cover him with pollen and shove his head inside a wasp's nest. And perhaps leave him tied up in front of continuous re-runs of the English-dubbed Sailor Moon.

_That's more like it. You're a man after my own heart, which you are of course. I am you. I need some entertainment; let's go and fire some staff._

_But why upset the status quo!_ His other self protested.

_Ah, who cares? Let's do it anyway._

An evil smile spread across his face as he straightened himself and marched proudly to his office door. There were several single mothers he was sure he could get done for benefit fraud, even if they were innocent. He hadn't framed anyone for quite a while, not since those incidents with how he had come about his Blue Eyes White Dragon Cards. Who cared if one of them had committed suicide? If torture, both physical and mental, was an art, then he was a grand master. A veritable Hieronymus Bosch.

_But who to fire? Perhaps I could make one of them commit suicide? I have a reputation to uphold, after all._

He then smiled and checked out his face in a nearby mirror. At least the goods were still intact. Ever since that day, he had waited for his revenge. They thought they had banished him. How wrong they were.

_Wherever there is light, there is darkness. I'm coming for you, Yugi._


	6. Six Ways To Die

**Disclaimer**: Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine. If it was, I'd be as rich as Seto Kaiba himself. (Well, probably not, but you get the idea…) Evil Kaiba is back and he wants revenge…

**Summary**: Kaiba's Delivery Service… Whatever the damage, we won't deliver your package… so screw me. Just try it… I told you Yugi, but you didn't listen. Does it sound like I care my company lost your Summoned Skull? Now duel me! Kaiba Seto.

--

**Kaiba's Delivery Service**: Six Ways To Die

--

Kaiba Seto, or rather his newly liberated self, was firmly ensconced back in his office, planning yet another takeover to work his little grey cells. Industrial Illusions… Paradise Company… They would all pay for attempting to move in on his turf!

_Bankrupcy, suicide, threats of mental and physical arm, oh the list is endless! Heh, heh, heh… Broken arms, broken minds, broken hearts. What a wonderful world the fragility of the human self is._

He leaned forwards in his chair, resting his chin on his hands. The old fool Gouzaburo had done him a favour by jumping out of the window. The end result was the same; the old cigar-chomping nitwit was dead and the company and everything in it belonged to him. He had even saved him the bother of doing it himself, the fanatical old fool…

At least he still had his laptop: his shiny it-can't-betray-you-because-its-not-sentient piece of machinery.

_You're my precious… Yes, my aid in world fiscal domination. We'll conquer the world of stocks and shares together._

He leaned down to stroke the laptop, hearing it bleep as a message came through. He sighed happily.

_Yes, I love you too, but not as much as I love power. Power is my first love, and you're my second._

He looked down at the monitor and pulled away.

_And Mokuba is my sweet little brother who should be put on the naughty list for going against his 'Nii-sama. Now, let's see who is foolish enough to e-mail me._

He typed on the keyboard, his fingers twitching with anticipation of a fight as he read. Well, it wouldn't really be a fight. He was Kaiba Seto; it was a no contest.

_Kaiba-Chan_

_I really don't want to bother you, but I've ordered the second form of the Black Magician and it still hasn't arrived yet. I was really looking forward to its arrival, and the Other Me says that you are doing this deliberately because you're a sore loser and that you're afraid to duel him because you'll get yourself kicked in the backside again. Please don't hate me! I was only saying what he told me. He made me type it, and the –chan part…_

_Yugi._

Kaiba Seto did something he didn't do often. He blinked. But this was soon replaced by overwhelming rage, something which manifested itself through the clenching of fists, a twitching eyebrow and seething teeth.

_That… that… that… plebeian! HOW DARE HE INSULTS ME! ME! NOBODY CALLS ME KAIBA-CHAN!_

"_I shall have my revenge, Yugi_!" he hollered, causing his secretary and little brother in the opposite room to stare towards his office.

"He's having another bad day. He'll get over it."

Mokuba nodded his head in agreement, smiling as he shook his head. His brother's tantrums were not something he liked to witness.

Meanwhile, Seto slammed his fists on the desk angrily. Unlike his old self, he would not deign that pint-sized genetic defect the decency of a reply. Or perhaps… He smiled evilly at his computer.

_To Your 'Other Half'_

_I would be concerned for you failed delivery, but if you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. If I were you, I'd be more concerned about my lack of intelligence and my multiple-personality disorder. Tell your 'Other Half' that I'll take him on, anytime, anyplace, anywhere. Bring it on, bitch._

_Kaiba Seto_

He smiled again. Sure, he'd take him on, when he was dead. Who did Yugi think he was? Some backstreet nitwit like Jounouchi? He had connections, _dangerous_ connections.

_No one insults me, not after all that I've gone through to get where I am! I'll rip his head off and – ?_

Hearing a chuckling sound, he whirled around.

"Who are you! How did you get in here?"

The man stepped forwards from the shadows. He was wearing a blue and white robe, much like the Egyptians would have worn, and he held a golden artefact in one hand. A rod, it seemed to be. What's more, he looked _exactly_ like him!

"I am also someone who wants revenge."

--


	7. Seven Deadly Sins

**Disclaimer**: Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine. If it was, I'd be as rich as Seto Kaiba himself. (Well, probably not, but you get the idea…)

Akunadin is Priest Set's father, just in case you didn't know. Check out the manga and anime. And in the next chapter I shall be using a new character from my other fic, just to experiment with what could happen.

--

**Chapter 7: **Seven Deadly Sins

--

Kaiba Seto stared at his visitor, wondering how the madman, who just happened to look exactly like him, had managed to get past several highly secret security measures. They made all those special effects in the movies look dire. There was nothing better than a good old murderer wondering around with a chainsaw who did exactly what you told him. And then you killed said murderer once his work was done to safeguard yourself.

Either he was not up to scratch in his designing (fat chance!) or some slacker had lifted his foot off the pedal and was now in need of a lesson.

His finger flicked a pawn off his chessboard, upon which was nothing but pawns. So what if they were all pawns? He was the only king here! It went flying of his desk onto the floor. He then went back to his game.

_Bye, bye, Choppie. You'll never work in this town again. Bwa ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Hmph!_

"Kaiba Seto!"

"Yes?"

He swivelled in his black leather chair to face his visitor. It was strange; he wanted revenge, and he felt as if this person could help him to accomplish the goal of making Yugi pay for his crimes. If that failed, then he could always bash him over the head with the laptop.

"Listen to my plan."

He shot up out of his chair.

"_I_ am the CEO around here! _I_ make all the decisions!" he growled angrily.

What he had not noticed that as he had shot up out of the chair it had flew backwards, crashing through the window and plummeted to the street below, crushing an innocent bystander. As if he _cared_.

Both him and his strangely alike visitor turned to peer down at the carnage below. After being crushed, those driving their cars had noticed what had happened and somehow caused a huge pile-up. Ambulances had been called and he could hear the wails of the damned.

"_That's_ what you get for messing with me! _Bwa ha, ha, ha, ha ha_ – Hmph!" he cackled gleefully, causing his visitor to back away slowly.

He then shrugged his shoulders and turned around, a languid smile on his face.

"It's just another day in Domino City. Now then, seeing as I've got that out of my system, what's this plan?"

"Do you see this complaint you have?" His visitor gestured to the screen of his laptop. Upon it was another letter of complaint, but it was scripted in hieratic. What's more, he could read it!

_I guess those pills the doctor gave me didn't work. He shall have to be killed._

His eyes narrowed at the screen and he began to read:

_To the future reincarnation of my son,_

_I am complaining about your poor standards of care. My son, who just so happened to be destined to be King, has gone a.w.o.l. And he's run off with the Sennen Rod I was supposed to be used to commit a ritual sacrifice of the White Dragon. He claims that he's a vegetarian, but I don't believe a word of it. I saw him stuffing his face with gazelle when he thought I wasn't looking. Awww, he's as cunning as I am; it makes a father proud. You're responsible for his welfare now, and seeing as this is a family-run firm, I believe that some wise experience is in order. So ship up and take care of my little baby, or I shall pay you a visit._

_The Dark Priest, Akunadin._

_Ps. Son, you know what you're like when you go abroad. Try not to eat too much foreign food. It gives you constipation. And try to cover up. You don't want those foreign hussies looking up your kilt._

He chucked lowly, but it soon developed into a guffaw.

"He… called you… _his little baby_! Kya, ha, ha!"

"Shut up. Anyway, about the plan…"

"Yes, the plan. We shall kill Yugi! It's only a matter of time. I have hired someone to pay him a visit."

--


	8. Eight Curses

**Disclaimer**: Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine. If it was, I'd be as rich as Seto Kaiba himself. (Well, probably not, but you get the idea…)

This chapter is using a complaint from a character from my other fic, so if you're interested, then read it. You'll understand why they send the message they do. If not, then just appreciate it as a chapter.

--

**Chapter 8: **Eight Curses

--

If there was one thing Kaiba Seto was today, he was bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, _bored_! His plan to kill Yugi had backfired when that so-called 'spirit' of his had caught wind of his plans and denied him the chance to duel him again if he went through with this attempt to kill his partner.

His hands clenching tightly on the puppets he had made, he growled angrily, waving the first puppet with spiky hair. For added effect, he put on a squeaky high voice.

"I am Yugi. I am a _short_ demented dwarf who has _no chance_ of beating the _great_ Seto Kaiba."

He then waved a second puppet, one that looked extraordinarily like him, hitting it over and over into the first. His voice then changed to its usual self.

"_Ah ha_! And _I _am the great Kaiba Seto, your eternal nemesis. So shut up and _die_!"

"_Aie_!"

The Yugi puppet was soon thrown over the side of the desk and he leaned out to stomp on it repeatedly with his heel. Grinding it into the floor, he looked sceptically up at his visiting past self.

"What are _you_ looking at?" he glowered, instantly dropping his Kaiba puppet.

"Oh nothing; just an insane reincarnation of mine who needs to learn to relax. Besides, he only said 'this attempt', did he not? So technically, he can't blame you for making future attempts. My Pharaoh did always have a brain the size of an ant," the priest responded, causing him to smile.

"Excellent." He then noticed that his laptop was beeping and leaned forward to check it. "Oh. It's for you. Who'd want to email you? I thought the Egyptians didn't have computers. Or anything electronic, come to that."

Set moved over in front of him, causing him to be unable to see the screen.

"Priest! Get your fat behind out of my face!"

The priest did not move. Something had to have him spooked. He shook in front of him, causing him to enquire what was wrong. He got the reply that there was only one thing in the world more dangerous than the pair of them; estranged women.

"Especially ones that you left without saying goodbye to, my little reincarnation. But seeing as you insist, here, have a read."

He snatched his laptop from the desk and hugged it possessively, reading the email. In fact, it seemed like there were two; one addressed to the priest and one to himself. They, like the last one from Akunadin, were written in hieratic.

_To my pig of a husband,_

_I know where you are, you good for nothing layabout! And why didn't you even bother to say goodbye? Don't you even dare think that you can escape from me and leave me looking after everyone else back home without paying the penalty! I don't care if you're my social superior, get your ass back here immediately or I shall be forced to use the ultimate sanction a woman can use – no sex until you get back home. Just like a typical man; you only think of yourself. As long as it goes in and out you don't care about my felings. And don't think that all your dirty emails over this thing called a computer are appreciated, you pervert! I know it was you that sent them._

_Your as of now angry wife,_

_Neith._

_Ps. You are a…_

He resisted the urge to chuckle and deliberately read aloud the eight expletives that followed before moving onto his own message.

_To Kaiba Seto, Kc Building, Domino City_

_I am tired of not being taken seriously because I am a woman. I know that in these days, we were considered to be less valuable then men, but I don't care! I ordered one a.w.o.l husband off you and he has yet to arrive. Not only that, but he insists on pretending everything is fine and has even been sending me dirty emails from your laptop. I would have thought that you would be glad to be rid of him. But I guess boys today are not as they used to be._

_Neith._

He licked his lower lip and glanced at the priest.

"Mmm. Someone's in the doghouse." He chuckled evilly, singing in an airy voice. "Someone's not going to get any tonight…"

"Shut up. I have had it more in the last week than you have in a lifetime.

"Which means you're still a virgin."

"Shut up. I have a plan."

"Excellent. Stage two begins."

--


End file.
